Guilt Staycation

There's no need to pack your bags when you're on a guilt staycation!

Before my husband deployed, I read a lot of books to mentally prepare myself. It helped to hear what others had gone through and get tips and advice for dealing with the deployment.

I recall reading about service members feeling guilty while they are deployed, but now that my husband is gone, I find myself feeling guilty for all the comforts of home that I get to enjoy while he is gone.

I have come to think of this as a guilt staycation.


Every night I get to snuggle with our dog on a comfy bed, while my husband is on a twin cot in a plywood room.

At Christmas I had family visit. As we relaxed and opened presents, my husband had to work.

These things that I would normally enjoy are now tinged with guilt because he's not here to enjoy them with me. How can I enjoy them when I know he's doing without?

My husband and I hadn't talked about the G word until I mentioned this blog idea to him last week.

"I feel guilty, too," he said.

"For what?"

"For not being there," he replied.

So we both feel guilty. He's on a guilt trip and I'm on a guilt staycation.


A wise person once told me that guilt isn't a helpful emotion, but it gives us an opportunity. We can look at guilt as a gentle question: Is there something we can do? If so, do it and move through. If not, move on.

I started thinking about another G word: gratitude. When I find myself feeling guilty about something, I switch to gratitude. I am so grateful I can snuggle with my dog and that my parents came to be with me.

It's trickier when my guilt is over something like missing a video chat with him. I shrug my shoulders and feebly try for "I'm grateful for technology." It doesn't always work, but I give myself an A for effort.

Most of all, I remind myself that I'm grateful for him.

I hope building this skill now will come in handy when he returns and leaves his socks on the floor and his clothes on - not in - the dresser. (I am grateful for laundry and furniture.) If not, I'll send him packing on another guilt trip.