Rumor Control

As huge as the Army is, it can feel like a small world as Families frequently run into each other or make new friends only to find a connection to another friend, post or unit.

This closeness can be a comfort. When my Soldier joined the Army, we wanted to live on post to immerse ourselves in the culture. While he’s been deployed, I feel better knowing that people around me can empathize with what I’m going through. It helps to be in a community of people who have been there.

Other times this closeness can feel claustrophobic, a little bit like “The Stepford Wives” with deployment as a backdrop instead of a country club. The closeness of the quarters can feel especially acute when it comes to getting information.

Families back home want to know where their Soldiers are, how they’re doing, when they are coming home. Sometimes we wonder how the other Families are doing and what’s going on with them.

We can get that information from our Soldiers. Other times, we rely on Family readiness groups or the chain of command. And then there are the things we hear in passing.


The information pipeline can often feel like a lifeline. But sometimes misinformation gets churned out instead.

The rumor mill can be an unfortunate byproduct of Army closeness.

We’ve heard the warnings: Don’t believe everything you hear. Yet we cling to tidbits because we want to feel connected – to our Soldiers, our community.

But I am pretty sure that no two people have ever made a real connection based on a rumor.

I used to think of the rumor mill like a factory – a mysterious entity that manufactures rumors, generating fresh tidbits with each passing week.

Now I have come to think of it more as a pepper mill. It takes something whole – like the truth – and grinds it up into little pieces that no longer resemble what it once was. Often the rumor mill grinds up emotions and reputations as well.

I remember once I found myself in possession of an interesting tidbit of information. I heard it from the horse’s mouth and mentioned it to a friend of mine. She had information as well and we compared notes.

“Why, what did you hear?”

Afterwards I felt sick to my stomach. I had clucked like a hen over someone else’s troubles. I was sympathetic, but couldn’t help feeling that the buck should have stopped with me.

I am not proud of myself for that. Even though I got my information from the person herself, I didn’t feel right sharing it.

Since then I have vowed to keep things close to the vest. What my Soldier tells me stays with me. What my friends tell me stays with me. If they make it known that it’s ok to share, that’s another matter. After all, sometimes we need to talk about what’s going on to sort through our own feelings.

But rumors are different.

They have the destructive effects of broken promises, words not kept, discretion destroyed.

Having been the subject of rumors myself, I know how it feels to have ears redden and prickle with paranoia as I wonder, “What have they heard?”

In my younger days, I relished gossip, thinking that it connected me to others. Not anymore.

Now I believe that compassion is what connects us. I do my best to show integrity and dignity in the face of vulnerability. Instead of talking about people, I do my best to talk to people.

I don’t always get it right, but I do my best.

Why, have you heard something different?