4 Down, 36-ish to Go

If week 1's theme was about being all over the map emotionally, weeks 2-4 have been about being all over the map physically. I just got back from an epic road trip (hence the dearth of posts): 3,250 miles across 10 states.

One nugget of deployment advice is to take the opportunity to travel and visit with loved ones. So I did. I plotted out my course to include wacky roadside attractions, an old family homestead, new cities to explore and old haunts to revisit. I ate my first corn dog, watched in horror as my dog peed on a hotel towel, and embraced the adventure. I took part in a beautiful wedding, reconnected with old friends, met interesting new folks, spent quality time with my parents, and enjoyed a whirlwind of people and places. The trip was wonderful.

But I was glad to get home.

While I was gone, I felt very disconnected from Army living. Being disconnected from Army living made me feel even more disconnected from my husband. It's one thing to be at the commissary and know that the people around you understand your vacant stare, watery eyes or random laugh. It's another thing to be with people who don't even know what a commissary is. Just 3 years ago this whole life, now familiar, was foreign to me. Now it is a source of comfort. I breathe a little easier on post. Seeing soldiers in uniform makes me feel closer to my husband. Somehow if they are walking around, safe and sound, so is my husband, somewhere half a world away.

It's nice to settle back into the routine at home. I know where things are. The silverware is familiar. I can cook again. I can pee whenever I want to, not in 20 minutes at the next exit.

The house is quiet and I am still disconnected from my husband, but I can feel him in the tiny pieces of home – the tidy sock drawer, the messy desk, the care package in progress on the dining room table. He's here. And now I feel like I'm holding down the fort instead of floating away.

We are one-tenth of the way through.