Best By

When it comes to food products, I don't need a Best By date. I need a Rancid After date.

You see, I'm cheap. I don't consume a ton of condiments and I don't want to be compelled to continually buy fresher versions of things that invariably come in large feed-an-army-sized jars when I'll probably use a Tablespoon at best.

Yet I want to have condiments on hand. I like them. When I'm in the mood for some Durkee's dressing (say, once a year for Thanksgiving leftovers), I want my Durkee's. But is it worth it for me to buy a whole jar when I'll only take a few swipes from it? Is last year's jar, while perhaps not at its peak, Almost as Good? Mostly Palatable? Or, hopefully, Not Deadly?



Perishables like spoiled milk and mouldy cheese are easy. A quick whiff or visual scan tells you what you need to know: Do Not Eat. Nature emphatically steers you away.

But there is a fairly large grey area where a Best By date has very little meaning. The USDA defines the Best By date as "recommended for best flavor or quality. It is not a purchase or safety date." Then is Best By simply a marketing gimmick designed to get decent folks like you and me to buy extra tahini before we truly must?

What actually happens to granola bars after their Best By date? Is there a Decent But Not Quite Fresh period? Perhaps an Overly Dry Stale era?

And how am I to know? A sniff in the jar of Durkee's tells me that the contents are of a mustard-like nature with a bit of sweetness and a touch of heat. But it doesn't tell me if I'll be glued to the toilet for the next three days.

When it comes down to it, that's what I really need to know.