Barf vs. Poop

I have a theory. Perhaps it’s more of an axiom, as its implications aren’t exactly earth shattering. I believe that throwing up is considered more socially acceptable than having diarrhea.

We brag about barfing. Epic drinking binges from our youth, raccoon eyes from burst blood vessels – puking is often a point of pride.

On the other hand, just typing the word diarrhea feels uncomfortable to me. I imagine it feels uncomfortable to read.

But it’s a fact of life.

The other week I had some kind of stomach bug. During its brief, but terrible reign, I frequently asked myself, “Is it safe to fart?” The answer for several days was a resounding, “No.”

I had diarrhea.

It was awful.

But I felt like I had to suffer in silence because in no way could I tell anyone. I delicately said I had an upset stomach and gingerly hinted that I felt nauseous.

I did not, however, say that my ass had turned into a faucet.

I could have said I felt shitty, or used a variety of other puns or euphemisms, but still felt I needed to steer clear of any mention of poop whatsoever. So, I used nausea as my validation.

Now, I had felt sick to my stomach, but I had not thrown up. In my mind this was a technicality. The feeling was enough to justify the fact that I had to leave work early. So were the chills and fatigue. But the Hershey squirts? Best to leave those out of it altogether.

I remember being at the pool with a friend of mine years ago. We overheard a father talking with someone at the front desk about picking up his son from camp.

“My son has diarrhea,” the man unabashedly said to the woman by way of explanation. He put it all out there and made no apologies. Had that been my father, I would have been mortified. But it wasn’t. And so my friend and I cracked up.

Over the years we have oft repeated the man’s words to one another. Sometimes it’s our own way of saying we don’t feel well. Sometimes it’s just to get a laugh.

But I have to wonder why, in this modern age, is something as prevalent as diarrhea still taboo? Diagnoses of cancer, Alzheimer’s, autism, Lyme disease, alcoholism, narcissism, depression – all of these are totally cool. But a digestive malfunction?

Whoa, Nelly!

Perhaps we think diarrhea isn’t tragic or debilitating enough.

Believe me, it is.

Have you ever tried to dart into a store in search of Imodium only to have to park on the far end of the parking lot? I think there should be special parking places for people with diarrhea just like there are for expectant mothers.

Yet we hide it.

I’m not suggesting we go out and boldly announce to the world when our backsides are on fire.

But I am suggesting we take shame out of the equation.

Should you find yourself in the unfortunate position of having diarrhea, know that you are not alone. We all get “upset stomachs” from time to time.

If it helps, dream of a day when there will no longer be a stigma attached to diarrhea.

And have a speedy recovery.