How Long Do You Hang On?

I recently found myself wondering how much longer I shoud hang onto a particular pair of underwear before I could toss them. I hadn't bought them that long ago - maybe a year or two - and individual elastic strings were starting to sprout out of the waistband. But they still had a decent snap and were otherwise in pretty good shape. At first I thought, "hang on to them until they get holes." But as I looked at another pair of briefs - one of my favorites - with a tiny little hole by the hip, I stopped myself. "Let's not get hasty, here," I admonished. Holes don't necessarily mean it's time to toss. After all, not all holes are created equal.

There are your gaping chasms where band and fabric go their separate ways forever and then there are your garden variety pulls that expand to a harmless millimeter or two. Staring at the pair in front of me, I wondered "how big must the hole be for me to throw these out?" This question led me to wonder if other people agonize over how long to hang on to their underthings.

Many years ago a friend and I were walking the path around the reservoir in New York's Central Park. It's a lovely path and worth a detour to see. It is conducive to people watching and deep, enriching conversation. On this particular spring day as we strolled beneath the cherry blossoms, we discussed underwear. Emboldened by the blooms breaking forth, I declared a new era for my own flowery bits: I would pamper myself and replace all of my underwear every year, regardless of their condition. No more hanging on to the bitter end. I would turn over a new leaf. My excitement mounted as I declared this shouldn't just be a personal resolution for me, but a revolution for women everywhere. As I sounded off, a runner passed us, raised her arms and yelled, "viva la revolution!" I was not alone. My first convert was on board.

A few weeks later, as I celebrated my birthday, I thought it a fine time to make good on my recent declaration. Fresh start. All new underwear.

Only… I couldn't do it. I am cheap, you see, and I have a hard time throwing away things that are perfectly good (see soap). Donating old items eases my twinges of guilt, as does regifting, but I firmly believe underwear is not for donating (or regifting).

Unable to commit fully to my plan, I half-assed it and merely bought two three-packs of cotton briefs. It wasn't the coup de Hanes I dreamed of, but it was a start.

Those three packs lasted me 7 years.

In my defense my possessions tend to have remarkable longevity. My cell phone from 2007 still works just fine (perfectly good!) and I don't see a need to spend money for a data plan (see cheap, above). Just last year I switched from using a Palm Pilot and only then because it died. My 1991 Toyota Tercel? Drives just fine.

But as I sit on the cusp of another birthday, this question of underwear plagues me. I feel compelled to know:

• Is this normal? Do other people have briefs with similarly long runs? Am I a freak for buying cotton multi-packs as a grown woman?
• How often do other people switch out their underwear? 6 months? A year? Five years? Decades?
• What is a normal trigger for replacing underwear? Passage of time? Whim? Holes? Weight loss? Calamities like social diseases and bowel bursts?
• How do people know? Is there a rule of thumb? Was this covered in a Home Econ class I somehow missed?

As I age, I find myself pondering some of life's bigger questions. What is my purpose? Why am I here? What do other people do with their underwear?

Perhaps this isn't about the underwear at all. Perhaps I am afraid of being thoughtlessly cast aside myself. Perhaps I want to give my underthings the same consideration I hope others might give me. Perhaps I am afraid that a little wear and tear might render me discard-worthy. Or perhaps I am finally ready to stop asking questions and start getting answers.

So I turn to you, dear reader, for help. How long do you hang on? Please take a moment to answer my poll at right. Please answer honestly. Please... help this old gal put an age-old question to bed.